1. 1
    3
    Nov

    RIP to Dain Venne, a True Hero

    So I received some terrible news tonight… and while sitting alone in my apartment trying to decide just how to appropriately cope with the loss of a dear friend, I decided to turn to writing.  I haven’t blogged in a while… not even sure what will come of this entry… however it seemed fitting that I turn back to writing by the loss of someone who inspired many of my hero characters of my adolescent stories.  Because that’s what Dain was.  That’s how I will always remember him… he was a hero.  Not just in the sense that he died fighting for our country, although that would be enough.  No, Dain was different… for those that had the honor & pleasure of knowing him, you know what I mean.  For those that didn’t, you missed out, but I will try and put it into words, although words could never do him justice.  He was a friend… and not just to those in his “clique” like so many in high school.  I was never a popular person… that just wasn’t my calling back then.  However, there was never a time that he let me feel outcast or unwanted.  I still remember sitting in math class in 7th (or was it 8th) grade, passing notes back and forth on my calculator (that not only graphed but had a huge keyboard, making it easy to discreetly pass messages about how boring the class was).  And he was funny… you could always count on Dain for a laugh.  And smart… I think he always underestimated how intelligent he was, as did a lot of the people around him back then.  But he knew things - both book smart and common sense smart.  He would make it a point to sit near me during a test (I was a geek, alright?!) but I really don’t think he needed to at all… perhaps it was a comfort thing.  But I can’t say I minded, because having someone like Dain in your life, in any capacity, was a pure blessing.  In all aspects, he was a hero… the kind of guy that authors base their leading men around… the knight in shining armor who would do just about anything for anyone who needed him.

    After high school, we lost touch.  I moved away and didn’t much want to look back at all.  But when I saw him last summer at a sporting event back home, it was like no time had passed at all.  He still had his bright smile and friendly demeanor that just made everything seem perfect.  Although we didn’t talk much, it was enough to leave an impression in my mind that I’ll never forget.  

    I remember first finding out earlier this fall that he was overseas fighting for our country.  I immediately put together a care package and a letter… anyone serving overseas deserves at least that, but Dain especially.  This past Tuesday, I received a letter back from him and just like that, my heart was light again.  Despite everything that was going on over there, he was charismatic and funny, just like back in high school.  He even started the letter out with “Dear Southdown”… a nickname that I don’t think has been used since he used it so many years ago.  I’m so thankful for that letter, as it will be with me always.  I had sent him a bag of Jolly Ranchers, which he informed me he had eaten in one sitting (some things never change!!) and made him sick.  Typical :)

    I had written in my original letter about how I couldn’t believe we had been out of high school for over 10 years, and how we were turning 30.  His response is chilling now, but I wanted to share with those who knew and loved him… his words will be in my mind forever:  ”I can’t believe we’ve left school over ten years past.  Everyone was right, the time passes so fast.  What a great time it’s been though!  I wouldn’t trade any of it.  Even though I’m here, I couldn’t be more content in life.  Most days I wake up just thankful to be alive!  Life is wonderful!”.  Even in the darkest of situations over there, he still found time to appreciate the beauty in life…. how wonderful things are.  I feel like all too often, I focus on the negative.  This letter, his words, and his passing, all have helped me to realize just how beautiful life is.  

    I can’t bring him back… I bet many of us wish we could.  Because dying at 29 years old isn’t fair for anyone, especially for such a great man.  However, what we CAN do is read his words… focus on the beauty of life… and live every day to the fullest just as he would.

    R.I.P.  Dain - you will surely be missed.  Thank you for your sacrifice, and God Bless!

  2. 5
    Feb

    Self Reflection-Love

    So as I was driving home tonight, I began thinking… I don’t know what caused this time of self reflection but whatever it is, I am totally grateful for it.  It’s turned into this huge inspiration, giving me a flow of creativity that had been blocked for some time now.  Words flow like a river and that is something that I have missed over the past months (and possibly years).  And as I take a break from writing my creative musings, I figured a blog would be a good use of my time.  I considered not making this public… because sometimes I just need to get out my thoughts and feelings in a safe place free of judgement and fear.  However, ultimately, I figured it wouldn’t hurt much… I mean, does anyone even read this nonsense of mine anyways?  It’s doubtful.

    In my reflection, I came upon the realization that I am so good at loving… at showing love and giving love.  Not just the “in love” kind of love, but I just care so deeply for people.  If anyone ever needed someone to talk to, I’d be there for them.  I have this huge heart for others, which is definitely something that I consider to be a blessing.  However, on the flipside, I’ve also come to realize that I have such a hard time receiving any kind of love from people.  I somehow feel as though I cannot receive it, that I am not worthy of it, and have no right to be loved in the way that I so willingly love others.  I feel like I often give of myself to people who I know won’t care for me back in the same way, and I think part of that is because I don’t find myself deserving of anything better.  I think this is something that I have been struggling with for a long time without even knowing it, however it now makes total sense of why certain friendships and relationships in my life haven’t worked out.  Now that I’ve identified the cause of the issue, it is now something I need to work on.  I am such a huge proponent of love, and I guess at some point I will need to realize and admit that even I, with all my flaws and quirks, deserve to be loved madly and unconditionally.

  3. 3
    Jul

    Holiday Weekend Fun

    This weekend, while not completely over (thank goodness for 3 day holiday weekends) has been absolutely spectacular.  I’m coming to find that random, unplanned, spur of the moment outings seem to bring the greatest amount of fun.  My best friend, her family, and myself began by going to pick strawberries.  I’d never picked my own fruit before, so that in itself was a treat (sorry to the orchard for the “quality control” that left me eating quite a few strawberries to make sure they were quality).  After running around town doing various random tasks, we decided to try making jam (well, originally we were trying to decide between jam and jelly, but settled on jam… which is perfect since its the first 3 letters of my name - must be meant to be!).  After getting to wear a baby while making the jam (yay for baby bjorns - i must remember my love for them once I have a child), and almost catching her kitchen on fire (oops - teaches us to take pictures while trying to bring something to a rolling boil), we came out with various pint jars and quart jars of Strawberry Jam.  There’s something so fresh and refreshing about making something like that from scratch.  It never would have crossed my mind before, however now that it has, I have a feeling there will be much more jam making in the near future - give me a couple weeks til blueberry/raspberry season and I’m sure I”ll be back in the kitchen (which hopefully I won’t burn down this time!!).

  4. 1
    23
    Jun

    Concert of a lifetime (mine anyways)

    The sun was setting, rain clouds filled the air, and yet no one in attendance that night seemed to care.  The audience waited impatiently for the music to start, the artists to emerge, and for a dream to become reality.  It was Fenway Park, Boston Massachusetts and the NKOTBSB tour had finally arrived.  That long abbreviation is short for New Kids on the Block-Backstreet Boys, a tour which combines two of the biggest boy bands in recent history for an evening of pop songs and dancing that you won’t soon forget.  The park was full – no seat was left empty, and needless to say, 99% of those seats were filled with female fans, some there to relive their teenage years, some to reminisce with friends.

    The music started and the artists emerged to a baseball lineup welcome, with the audience erupting into applause as each man’s name was read and he ran onto the field from the dugout.  In a team-like fashion, the guys followed each other, jogging onto the stage and starting a performance that would last no shorter than 2 hours.  The two groups alternated time on the stage, joining in the middle of the night to perform their new hit “Don’t Turn Out The Lights” and at the end of the evening for the encore performance of “Hangin’ Tough” which was performed on the legendary Green Monster.

    The night didn’t come without its problems, mainly comprising of the torrential downpour that started about halfway into the show and did not complete until the early hours of the next morning.  The guys would not be stopped, however they used it to their advantage, using the runway of the stage to play a big game of “slip n slide”.  The fans didn’t care, as they danced in the rain, singing along to their favorite songs.

    Whether you’re 15 or 50, this show is without a doubt worth seeing.  You’ll laugh, dance around, and wake up hoarse the next morning from screaming so loud, however it will be worth every moment.  For tour dates and tickets, please go to nkotbsb.com 

  5. 2
    May

    Opinions on Last Night’s News on Osama

    So with all the news coverage given to the subject, and all the opinions being posted via social media, I thought that I would give my opinion on the death of Osama bin Laden.  It may not be a popular opinion, but that is the good thing about living in the country we do - we are allowed to have opinions and express them without fear of judgement, retaliation or oppression.  

    I freely admit that when the news broke last night, I felt relief.  Not joy, but relief.  The fact that a person who has caused so much pain and suffering had been found and was no longer a threat definitely was uplifting.  I don’t, however, rejoice in his death.  I’m not going to celebrate his being killed.  I salute our members of the Armed Forces who did their job in this situation - they are brave and certainly I am not making light of what they have done for us.  But, no death should be celebrated.  By celebrating someone’s death, we are making ourselves no better than Al Quaida.  The members of that organization are full of hate and look to spread that hate.  This death, for sure, was a small victory for the fight against hate.  However, revolution needs to come through love and understanding, not hate and oppression.  I’m sure there are people waiting to step up to take Osama’s place in his war of terror.  We cannot stop that.  We can, however, control our reaction to these situations.  I, for one, do not celebrate a death, but hope and pray for the day when these senseless attacks will be a distant memory.

  6. 1
    9
    Sep

    Burn a Koran Day

    Someone commented to me today that it had been a while since I last blogged… and that I should do something about that.  My response was “I wish I could, but I have nothing to write about”.  Sure there are always things going on in this head of mine, but often they feel too personal or too insignificant to write about, and I don’t want to waste the time of you all, my great friends, reading some nonsensical drivel.  However, as if by some kind of miracle, I happened upon some youtube videos that gave me instant inspiration.  Throughout the day, I found myself writing notes that I had to touch on when I got home to write this blog.  Those of you who know me probably know that I am not one for current events.  TMZ and Perez, sure… but anything current not having to do with the entertainment world is of no interest to me… so while this may be old news to some, I am just hearing detail about it and just felt the need to share my thoughts. 

     So this Saturday, on the anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks against the United States, a minister of a small church in Florida has decided to name the day the “International Burn a Koran Day”, where they encourage Christians to burn copies of the Koran.  The church writes “We invite you to come and stand with us for International Burn a Koran Day on September 11th, 2010.We do this to expose Islam for what it is - a violent, oppressive religion that lie and deceives the people and is leading them to hell”.  This invitation, in itself, is confusing to me.  Let me get this straight – we are protesting the violent and oppressive religion by telling people that they shouldn’t practice this religion, and by burning their holy book?  Fighting their violence with our ignorance?  Okay, as long as I understand the idea… lets start the bonfire… I’ll grab the ingredients for smores… it’ll be a big bigoted party.

     In an interview, the pastor of this church named Terry Jones, said the following: “it is our job to stand up… we speak out against Islam, we speak out against homosexuality, same sex marriage, abortion…we speak out against Islam because we as a Christian church, we believe the only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ”.  So was Terry sitting in his library, I’m imagining filled with leather bound copies of the Bible, thinking “hmm… we need to recruit some people to Christianity and show them what our loving God is like… I have an idea – let’s burn something that is incredibly important to these people – that will definitely make them want to convert to Christianity”.  Forget the whole “love your neighbor”, “do unto others” and “love your enemy” crap… lets get straight to the offensive actions.  Our way or the highway.  And while we’re at it, why not eradicate the homosexuals… there’d be a lot less dance music, and that would probably get rid of that harlot Lady Gaga.

     It’s just so horrible to me to see people act in such ridiculous ways, especially people who throw around the name of Jesus Christ with such disregard.  The Bible preaches of love and tolerance and forgiveness, not hate and judgement.  It is not our place to judge.  Last I checked, no one is perfect – so how is it fair to condemn one group of people for their sins? 

     So instead of burning a book that some see as holy on Saturday, I will spend time praying… praying for Terry Jones and his congregation and all others that feel ignorant measures should be taken to put a point across.  I will pray for those fighting for our country because of 9/11.. especially in the case that this disgraceful act triggers any violence overseas. 

     Now is not the time for violence or disgusting acts… it is a time for acceptance and prayer.  I only hope that someday these people will realize that.

  7. 13
    Feb

    Being a happy, successful female is a bad thing?

    After an evening with my family, I got to thinking… and honestly I am somewhat annoyed by the constant ridicule due to the fact that I am single.  It’s not all of my family, but a select couple that seem to think it’s fun to jest about my marital status.  To them, because I am single, I am somehow a failure, which is stupid.  Instead, you’d think they would find a strong successful woman who is happy with her life to be a good role model and an inspiration, especially to a 15 year old girl (my cousin) who seems so caught up with boys.  Compared to others in my family, you would think they would welcome a good example, seeing as how I have never been in trouble, never even as much as a parking ticket, and was disciplined enough to get a college degree and a reputable job.  But all that is unimportant because I am single… because I have made a conscious decision to focus on friends and myself at this time in my life.  Because I refuse to settle.  You know what - whatever.  Encourage the youth of today to be dependent on men.  Teach young women that they are nothing without a man by their side… because that’s not an outdated concept or anything.

  8. 11
    Feb

    Valentines Day is fast approaching….

    And I’ve got to say I’m not as pessimistic about being single on the holiday anymore.  Valentine’s Day has long been this day that couples go out for a fancy dinner, buy each other great (or not so great) gifts, and also a day that all single people cringe with all the love around them that they don’t get to share in.  I used to be one of those cringing single people.  I can’t say I don’t believe in Valentines Day and think it to be a made-up Hallmark holiday, because the years that I was with someone on the day, I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I would wear red or pink and take hours picking out the perfect gift.  I would spend time writing a thoughtful message inside the card I took 20 minutes to pick out and then would brag to all my friends the following day about what a perfect holiday it was.  So I guess my question is - why does that all go away because I’m single?  I’ve made a choice to be single - to focus on myself, my career and my life while I still am able, and to wait for the right guy to come along.  So do I not get to rejoice in the idea of love because I’ve made a choice to be alone?  Eff that!

    So this year, this Valentine’s Day, there will be no more mourning my temporary loneliness.  Instead, there will be a celebration of my friends, and the love I have for them.  There will be a celebration of my singleness and independence.  I’m sure that someday, I will be celebrating with a boyfriend or husband again, but until then, I will enjoy relaxing around in my pajamas (pink, of course, just to be festive), drinking a few glasses of wine, forgetting about my diet and eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, and watching a marathon of Jane Austen movies.

  9. 28
    Jan

    Fairytales

    So for some reason unknown to me, this evening I started thinking about fairytales.  Well, it might have had something to do with a regular who came into work who reminds me of a Disney prince - the Beast in Beauty & the Beast in fact (after he transformed into a handsome prince of course).  And I realized what a crock of crap we feed children these days, especially young girls, about what love is.  If you watch pretty much any Disney movie, there is the main character (Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc) who is somehow oppressed by the nasty character (Evil Stepmother/sisters, Evil Queen, that pesky fairy with the spinning wheel, etc) and eventually is saved by a handsome prince and goes on to live happily ever after.  As a child, we eat these stories up.  I know I for one always dreamed of my Prince Charming that would rescue me from the evil dragon (my brother) and whisk me off into the sunset.  These stories are just that… stories.  Life isn’t always a fairytale.  In fact, I don’t know of a single person who has lived a fairytale life.  And I certainly have yet to find someone who has found a real live Prince Charming.  One thing is for sure - there are definitely nasty characters in our lives… real life and fairytales share that in common.  And sometimes, the person we think is our Prince Charming, our Knight in Shining Armor is a wolf in sheep’s clothing - the dragon that needs to be slayed.  And in some cases we need to stop waiting to be saved by the Prince… we need to stop playing the role of “Damsel in Distress” and come to our own aid - be our own rescuer.  And then, just maybe, we can create our own happily ever afters.

  10. 27
    Jan

    Revelations on the 27th anniversary of my birth

    So yesterday I turned 27 years old.  And with that, of course, came the celebration with a few of my best and closest friends.  There was one person missing from that celebration - a certain guy from my past who wanted to come back into my present and future.  Upon him flat out not showing up and not calling to let me know what’s going on, I did some thinking and have come to a conclusion.  If something barks like a dog, looks like a dog, and smells like a dog, chances are it’s a dog.  If someone has a silverware drawer full of plastic silverware so he doesn’t have to do dishes, chances are he’s lazy and lacks responsibility.  If someone has teddy bear sheets at the age of 31, chances are he’s a child.  And if everyone who knows you best says this guy is not worth your time, chances are he’s not worth your time.  There’s only so many second chances you can give a person before you say ‘enough is enough’.  I’m 27… and at times I get that feeling that I’m past the ‘prime’ in my life and need to hurry and find someone, but after last night, I’ve realized that you can’t rush into anything.  That sometimes it’s better off being alone than being with someone who loves themselves way more than he could ever love me.  Now if only I can remember this.

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